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This is a transcribed copy of Age of Hinobi.
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "N/A" Next: "Tutorial Mode"

Watch Season 1, Part 1 here if you have a Netflix account.


Zoid (In TV): We are Zoid. We will smash you to dust.

Kid 1: Totally gonna block you this time.

Kid 2: Not if you can't see. *waves into his point of view*

Mom: All right nuggets, five minutes.

Kid 1: *groans* We were just gonna beat it.

[Both grunting]

[Hinobi Console beeping]

[Zooms into the internal parts]

[Zoid Glitch hisses, escaping from the cylinder]

[Screen glitches]

Kid 1: Oh, it's broken. What did you do?

Kid 2: I didn't do anything.

[A piece of Zoid comes out of the TV]

[More come out, in an exponential rate]

Kid 1 and 2: Mom!

Mom: Now, don't "Mom" me. You can play tomorrow. That game's not going anywhere.

[The pieces form into a Zoid Glitch]

Both: [Exclaiming]

Mom: [Screaming]

Zoid Glitch: We are Zoid. We will smash you to dust.

[All gasp]

Mitch: I'm with tech support.

Zoid Glitch: Surrender to Zoid. You cannot hope to defeat us.

Mitch: That's what they all say.

All: [Exclaim]

[Zoid shoots 2 lasers at Mitch, only for Mitch to dodge them]

[Mitch shoots a beam at Zoid, breaking a part of Zoid]

Others: [Scream]

Mitch: [Grunts] Take that!

[Destruction noises offscreen]

Mitch: [Shoots a beam at Zoid's center]

Zoid: [Struggling to break free from Mitch's "Capture Glitch" beam

[Zoid's root form comes out of the body, leaving it lifeless]

[Zoid's root form gets sucked up by Mitch's gauntlet]

Automated voice: Glitch contained.

Mitch: Hinobi Game Systems apologizes for any inconvenience this minor glitch may have caused [while replacing the game rods] and will now restore your system's memory.

Dad: [snorts] What did I miss?

All: [System memory gets restored, fixing the debris]

[All speaking in reverse]

[Both grunting]

Zoid (In TV, again): We are Zoid. We will smash you to dust.

Mitch: [Walking away, fixing the door]

Phil, over gauntlet: HQ calling, come in.

[Gauntlet chiming]

Mitch: Go for Mitch.

Phil: You finish debugging that Puzzler glitch?

Mitch: Another flawless victory.

Phil: Just be sure to upload all glitches from your gauntlet when you get back to HQ this time.

Mitch: [Simultaneously makes that mouth talking hand symbol]

Mitch: Thanks for the strategy tip, boss.

[Call ended]

Mitch: [Groans and scoffs] Like I need a walk-through.

[Van turns on, going back to Hinobi]

[Green lights turn on in the distance]

[Screaming in distance]

[Glitch Techs Logo appears, along with some glitch effects, and techy music]

[Indistinct chatter]

Papi: Okay, I need a moo shu pork carnita, two fried rice and beans, and an order of won-tonquitos. Rápido, Nieto!

Hector (High Five): Grinding as fast as I can, Papi!

Five: Ponzu! Chorizo! Tortilla! I choose you! Player readies for melee. He sprinkles and unleashes his power combo, the triple chop!

Five: And for the finishing move... [Clears throat] [Exclaims]

Five: Huh? Flawless.

K. Moon: Okay guys it's me, K. Moon, and today is the day. The seventh annual Hinobi Smash Tournament is here, and the hype is off the charts. It's set to be the biggest NS competition yet. I'm even hearing the company sent exclusive wristbands to the top-ranked gamers in each city.

K. Moon: So y'all can I just say, If you got one of these things, I am mega jealous of that sweet, sweet swag. Okay so if we're talking competitors, we gotta talk reigning champ, Mitch Williams. He'll be defending his title for the fourth year in a row--

Papi: Five, you're not burning my frijoles in there, are you?

Five: [Exclaims]

[Wristband sizzles]

Five: [Grunting] Phew. [Screams in intense heat]

Abuela: Nursing those trigger fingers? [Chuckles]

Five: Sorry Abuela, I was just--

Kids: Five! Five, you in there? Five! We're stuck again.

Abuela: 10 minutes. Make 'em count, playa.

Five: Thanks, Abuela.

Five: [Cracks knuckles] All right, my little rookie game grinders, you are indeed witnessing the hidden level of Hinobi's 1993 classic, Chomp Kitty. what? You heard it was impossible, Too much game to tame?

Five: Well, as long as you feed this cat enough power pellets, you can use pattern recognition. Boom! Endless repetition. Zoom. And your own ambition. Va-da-ba-da-voom.

[Electronic fanfare playing]

Five: To make the impossible possible.

Kids: [Cheering]

Kid: Five, you're the best.

Another kid: My brother, he said you got one of those bracelets from Hinobi.

Yet another kid: You gonna be in that tournament today, Five? You'd dominate! [Chuckles]

Five: Come on, you guys know my grandparents need me here. If I left, who would cook?

Papi: Oye, Five! Bring yourself back in here!

Five: Ooh, sorry, Papi, I was in the zone!

Five: [Sing-songy] Va-da-ba-do-do-do. Huh? You shut the fryer off?

Papi: Found this on the floor. Has your name on it.

Five: That? Oh, that's nothing. [Chuckles]

Abuela: Sure seems like something.

Papi: We looked online. Says only the best gamers in the city get these. Says first prize is a job at the Hinobi Game Store. I'd think you'd want an opportunity like that, yeah?

Five: Of course I would, but the game's today and I gotta work. Besides, even if I won, you guys can't afford to replace me so--

Papi: That's not your problem. All you gotta do is play your heart out.

Five: [Gasps] Really? You guys mean it? You'd leave work to take me to the game?

Papi: Hey, who needs to leave? We'll take our work with us! [Laughs]

Five: But this truck hasn't moved since before I was born!

Abuela: [Laughs] It's only a few miles. We can still make it!

[The key gets inserted into the lock to start the engine, A disc slides into the player, and the gear stick turns to the lowest position, and the horn honks, all in two seconds]

Papi: Hinobi, here we come!

FIve: Whoo-hoo!

[The screen glitches to Miko's house]

[Rock music playing on TV]

Announcer: Yeah! Perfect! Perfect! You're a legend!

Miko: I am a legend.

Lexi: [Groans] Can't you play in the living room, Miko?

Miko: You see this?

[Wristband shines]

Miko: This means your big sis is gonna wreck a bunch of fools today.

Miko: I'm invincible!

[Suddenly, the plug for the TV gets pulled, music stops and TV shuts down]

Miko: What?

Man: Mom says come to breakfast before you shake the house apart.

Miko: You can pull the plug on my TV, but you can't pull the plug on destiny!

Downstairs...

[Family members clamoring]

Girl 1; Pass the milk!

Girl 2: Get it yourself.

[Clamoring continues, dog barks]

Girl 1; Did you eat all of the cereal? You're the worst.

Girl 2: I am.

Mom: Two minutes to minivan. Phones off, shoes on, No ifs, ands or-- Miko, what are you wearing? I bought you a blouse at Bullseye.

Miko: Mom! It's my good luck shirt. For the Hinobi Smash Tournament today.

Dad: What is she talking about?

Mom: What are you talking about?

Miko: I posted a note about this on the busy board a month ago!

[Shows busy board cluttered with paper]

Dad: [Sighs] I'm showing Geoffery's ballet recital, Lexi's hockey playoff, Nika's science fair soft open, Lee's preschool parade, and... huh? What exactly is Hinobi Smash?

Miko: It's an exclusive game competition.

Dad: Sorry, kiddo. We've got a full day ahead and won't have time to--

Miko: But you guys wouldn't have to drive me there. I can just log into the game from home!

Mom (Taking care of a baby): You spend enough time in front of that screen already, young lady. Now, get changed. We have a lot of events today.

Miko: You're taking everyone else to do the stuff they like, but not me? That's not fair!

[Beeping]

[Shows in stopwatch: Time to go!]

Mom: Okay, that's time! I want butts in belts people! Din, din. Do it now, do it now!

Dad: [Puts Miko under a hoodie] Tell you what. You can have a little extra game time tomorrow. Okay, kiddo?

[Miko sees dog still slurping]

[Then Miko has a plan]

[Cuts to the family in the van, except Miko, who swapped herself with the dog with the hoodie]

[Miko waves at them]

Miko: [Mimicking parents] Miko, it was very irresponsible of you to bail on family day. What do you have to say for yourself?

Miko: [In normal voice] I say you're looking at a first place champion, Mom and Dad! Whoo! [Kicks the door open and runs inside]

At Hinobi Store...

[Van horn honking rhythmically]

[The hip drip gets rekt by the van Five was on]

Papi: Oye, muchachos! Who's hungry? [Laughs]

[Indistinct chatter as Five steps out of the van]

Five: Oh man...look at all those people. Oh nerds, oh nerds, oh nerds-

[Abuela knocks Five on the back of the head]

Abuela: Get out of that head you. [Ruffling Five's hair] I swear, you're gonna get lost in there one day, and I'm not gonna be able to get you out! Eh, just have fun, try not to think too hard.

[Five exhales heavily and runs into the building]

Announcer: We are coming at you live from the Hinobi Store, located at Bailey Square Mall,[Five eats some popcorn and shoves it into another kid's hands] bringing you this year's Nobi Smash Challenge, sponsored by Hinobi Games and Buzzcore Beverages.

[Crowd cheers as the competitors look down from the stage, Mitch at the very front, sending kisses to the audience]

[Bee mascot suddenly appears and hugs Mitch, dancing on stage]

Announcer: And guess who's out there, pumpin up this crowd, they know him, they grew up with him, Nobi, the Hinobi Honeybee!

Phil: Man, that thing creeps me out.

Five: Uh hi, sorry, do you work here?

Phil: No, I just make it a point to accessorize all my button-downs with manager name tags. [Phil flicks his manager pin]

Five: I uh...have this? [Shows gamer band]

[Zahra grabs Five's arm and shows it to Phil]

Zahra: Woah! He's the missing player.

Phil: Took your sweet time logging in didn't you? Great, let's incite this riot. [Phil scans Five's band]

Announcer: Give it up, for High Five!

[Nix hands Five his uniform]

Nix: All eyes on you, champ.

Phil: Okay, we're doing standard competition rule set. You'll be playing on a new map designed specifically for this tournament. So no outside communication is permitted in play, and there will be absolutely no respawns. Any questions?[Phil gives Five his headset and walks away]

Five: [stammering] Did you just say no respawns?

Nix: Yup, if you're out, you're out.

Zahra: So don't get nauseous, faint, or freak out, and you should do just fine [inserts chip into headset and puts headset on Five]

[The crowd cheers]

[The headset turns on, and reveals the VR map, as Five chuckles]

Five: Whoa! This is amazing!

[Mitch spawns into the game]

Five: Mitch Williams? Is everyone seeing this? I'm meeting Mitch Williams! I can't believe it, I've learnt so much from watching your "Let's Play" videos.

Mitch: [laughs] Thanks.

Announcer: We'll be ready to start once our remote players finish logging in! Here comes one now!

[A figure spawns in]

Miko: [in a deep voice] I am Me_KO! Join me or die! [in a high-pitched voice] In my chipmunk boy-band! Haha [in normal voice] Hey, who disabled the voice filter?

[Miko coughs, popcorn in hand, having decided to log in from home]

Miko: I'm okay!

Five: Whoa...you're Me_KO aren't you?

Miko: Yeah, and you are.....Hi_Five? Do I know that gamer tag?

[Five's flashbacks shows Five being beat by Miko multiple times via videogame]

Flashback TV screen: Defeated by ME_KO, Sniped by Me_KO, obliterated by Me_KO!

Flashback Five: Aw come one! [throws controller and walks away, annoyed]

[Back to the present, Five backs away]

Five: Nope [laughs nervously] Oh nerds-

Mitch: Relax bro, whatever happens out there, we're all gamers.

Five: Thanks

Announcer: Three, two, one, Smash!

Mitch: And gamers play to win! [Mitch shoves Five into Miko, and both fall off the edge]

[Mitch laughs, as all the other gamers proceed to start the course]

[Miko and Five are shown to still be in the game, hanging off the edge of the starter platform]

Miko: Hey man! Let go of my leg!

Five: Uh uh! I am not gonna let go of your leg!

Miko: [hand losing grip of the edge] Ugh, fine. Then grab the ball! Upsies!

[Five grabs onto the ball, which Miko uses to propel him up, back onto the platform]

Miko: You owe me one!

Five: It's on.

Miko: What up! [Miko uses a ball to eliminate two players]

Five: [jumping from platform to platform] Whoo! Yeah!

Miko: [sing-songy] Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh, this is mah themesong, nuh nuh! Bringing rainbows of pain, Miko is the best! Heads up! [Miko flips over another player, shooting a ball at his head]

[Miko is shown to be moving around quickly around her living room, grunting]

Miko: Ah yeah!

[The game continues with Mitch in the lead]

Mitch: Ha ha!

Kid player: You're Mitch Wiliiams!

Mitch: And you're not [kicks kid off platform]

[Miko and Five are watching from a distance]

Miko: Can you believe that rager?

Five: I guess that's why he's number one

Miko: Number one dingleberry maybe. Ugh, I so wanna beat this guy!

Five: All right look, I say we gang up on him. When it's down to just us, best shot wins?

Miko: Death to Dingleberries! [takes off after Mitch]

Five: Uh, was that a yes?

[The game continues as more people get eliminated, showing Five with his headset, accidently bumping into someone at the side of him]

Five: Sorry!

[The shot transitions back into the VR map, as Five and Miko battle the other players]

Five: Wait up, I think I've got a plan to get us to the final platform!

Miko: We're on the final platform!

[The shot quickly zooms out, showing that they were indeed, on the final platform]

Five: Yes! Okay but slow down, these tiles might be booby-trapped.

Miko: Slow down? It's a race!

Player: [pushing aside Five and Miko] Coming through! [jumps on tiles, only to be obliterated by fire]

Miko: Okay, that's a game changer.

Five: Let's go!

[The two jump onto the tiles and quickly doge the flames]

[In front of them, Mitch scoffs and chuckles]

Miko: Hold still you slippery sandworm!

Mitch: You too do realise this isn't co-op right? There's only one winner, me!

Miko: Hey look out! [The tile bursts into flames as Five and Miko jump off] Close one

Five: Hmm.. [grunts] Wait, it's a puzzle. Yeah!

[Five makes his way to the giant]

Five: Yes! This is for the win! Hey look out!

[As Mitch is about to shoot Miko, Five launches his ball at him, as Miko hangs off the edge of a tile]

Five: Hey, my ball, it's stuck! Did this game just glitch on us?

Phil: [over gauntlet] Uh, I'm showing a major software bug in there, Mitch. We need to pull you from the game

Mitch: Not until I secure this win. [Mitch approaches Miko] Your buddy can't score without a ball, and you're dead meat. [points ball at Miko] Look's like it's game over.

Miko: Not yet, dingleberry. Five! [Miko launches her at Five, who catches it and scores]

Mitch: No!

[The audience cheers]

Abuela: [watching from the van] Oh yeah, that's showin' 'em!

Papi: That's right, you get 'em mijo! Get 'em!

Five: Yes, yes! I won! I won!

Mitch: You can't score with another player's ball like that! That was not fair! [Mitch disappears]

Miko: [gets up] Yes! I think the all-star just rage quit! [Five laughs]

[The glitch infects the giant, which comes to life]

Five: And we unlocked a bonus level?

Miko: Whoa!

Mitch: [back in the Hinobi building] You guys saw that bogus shot right? It can't count! Tell me the game's glitched so it can't count!

Phil: We have bigger problems than your high-score right now Mitch. [Phil gestures to the robot]

Nix: Plixel breach in three, two-

[The giant hand comes through the Hinobi screens and the crowd exclaims]

Phil: Techs, gauntlets up! [trying to salvage the situation] Let's hear it for augmented reality, folks!

[The glitch giant hand extends, slapping away Zahra, Nix and Nobi, who happened to be in the crowd]

Mitch: [cracking neck] I'll do this myself. [Mitch takes off and attacks the hand, only to be slapped away]

[Back to the VR map, Miko and Five dodge the robot]

Miko: Think we can take him?

Five: Just one way to find out! [The giant slams it's hand on Five] Oh nerds- [Five disappears]

Miko: [gulps] Oh no..

[Back at Miko's place, a glitchy screen is showed, as the ginat hands leaks through her screen]

Miko: Whoa, this VR is so tight- [The hand grabs Miko] Oh! [screams]

Five: What the..

Mitch: Zahra, Nix, with me! Take it down! [all three fire their gauntlet energy]

[Five yelps as the giant hand is destroyed and Miko is released]

Miko's TV announcer: Hello, a minor glitch has been detected. Please stand by as we restore your system's memory

Miko: What in the...

Announcer: Ten, nine, eight...

Papi: Hm...

[The audience stares in shock at the screens counting down]

Announcer: Seven, six, five, four

Phil: Okay, okay. Who wants a free t-shirt? You just look right there- [points at screen] Right at the big screen.

[The screen emits a flashy light to all the viewers but Five and the techs as they are reset, and Miko is launched back into the wall, as her reset fails]

Five: What kind of game is this?

Mitch: [pointing his gauntlet at Five] The kind nobody's gonna remember [fires reset beam]

[Mitch walks up to Five and takes off his gamer band]

Mitch: You were never here

Five: [Monotone] I was never here...

[The shot transitions back to Five in the van, with the television on]

K. Moon: And surprising no one, Mitch Williams secured his number one spot in the Hinobi Smash Tournament today...

Papi: Need that order up on here Five!

[Five snaps out of it and yelps, accidently flipping a taco onto himself]

Papi: You fall asleep on me in there playa?

Five: [stammering] What? Oh uh, sorry. Um, I'm awake Papi. I'm awake.....

Miko's Mom: Miko!

Miko: [waking up] I'm awake!

Miko's dad: And she's awake....

Miko: You guys are never gonna believe what happened!

[Miko's parents look at each other, unamused]

Miko: I was in this VR game, killin' it like always, when a no-joke-giant-monster hand came through the plasma, threw me on the couch, and zschoop, got sucked back into the TV. Next thing I know the TV's all , "Don't move" and I was all, "Boom! Whaugh! Voo-oosh!" [plops and floor and gets up quickly, panting] You guys believe me, don't you?

[The next scene shows a door being shut and Miko against it]

Miko: Mom please, it's not fair! You can't just take my console away!

Miko's mom: I can, and am young lady, I hope ditching your family today was worth it, because it's the last video-game you'll be playing in a long time. [Miko's mom walks away]

Miko: I was telling the truth!


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